(written last night)
So, I was thinking today.....you NEVER truly know what people are going through...do you? I have had a lump in my throat the past two days (not because I have a sore throat)....literally having a hard time swallowing......because I have had a very stressful school year and it's escalating......and I am ready to be home with Grey!
I have a very challenging group this year. This marks my 7th year (3 in preschool and now 4 in kindergarten) in teaching (not that that's very long) but I have NEVER had a year like this. I come home everyday and just kiss and hug on Grey as much as I can! I have ONE child in particular that has given me a lot of trouble and some of you might be thinking "he's ONLY 5" but believe me his behavior has truly been UNBELIEVABLE and VIOLENT. This has opened my eyes BIG enough to NOT want Greyson in the public schools if that tells you anything and I would be throwing a MIND SNAP if Grey was in this classroom that I have this year. It is so hard to see this and deal with this daily among other things that I won't mention. It is also difficult for me to see so MUCH anger in a child and then to have to try and comprehend what he has to go home to also.
I am sitting here because Nate just took Grey fishing (I know can't wait to hear about this) and I have a minute to myself just to sit down, take a few deep breaths, and try to make sense out of all of it. I'm not gonna lie, I am having a difficult time right now and needed to write about it! So, because of these feelings I decided to write Grey a little note...
Dear Greyson,
I am writing you this letter as your mom, your companion, your guide, and your helper.
I want to start off by telling you how proud I am of you. You are, of course my first born son and because of you I now carry the title -MOM. It's a title I LOVE having. It's a title I hold ut-most respect for and it's a title I will now live with forever. And, once again, the only reason I have it is because of YOU. You started it and it has forever moved me and changed me. I'm a better person because of you!
I want you to know that no matter what...... I/we.... am/are... always here for you.
I want you to know that your mom is a heavy thinker...sometimes I think way too much. I think and dwell on a lot
I want you to know that your mom is a teacher, BUT always your mother FIRST
I want you to know that when you smile at me my heart skips a beat
I want you to know that it's okay to make mistakes......Live and Learn Greyson Live and Learn
I want you to know that your faith is important........Believe in God
I want you to be a LEADER in school and everywhere you go-not a follower
I want you to know that I will remind you of these things constantly
I want you to know that Life is all about the CHOICES you make
I want you to know that the sun will come out tomorrow
I want you to know that I worry about you only because I'm your mom and it comes with the territory
I want you to know that I will ALWAYS be the QUEEN of our family, however, I will hand over my crown some day to that future Mrs. Greyson Ernat-I promise I will... but for now I wear the crown and am the QUEEN here!
I want you to know that family is so very important
I want you to know that I have strong beyond strong morals and values that I will pass onto you.
I want you to know that you are my angel
I want you to know that it's important to pray.
I want you to have dreams Greyson....BIG dreams
I want you to know that you have a wonderful family (everyone in our family) who loves you more than anything and is always there for you with open arms.
I want you to know that it's important to be truthful, truthful, truthful in every relationship and walk of life you have
I want you to know how important family traditions are and we will teach you that
Greyson - this is just a start, kinda like the tip of the iceberg of things I want to say. Or more like my head and heart fill up with so many things I want to tell you and as they come to me, I will be sure to let you know and guide you in the right direction.
Love,
Mom
i want greyson to know how lucky he is to have a momma like you! :)
ReplyDeletei hear something knocking leesh - it's summer vacation! hang in there!
U made me tear up mamma! U r a wonderful mom hang in there! We missed our phone date... I will call u soon we need to catch up! Remember u might be the most important thing in some of your kindergarteners lives, who knows what they go home to! I give teachers so much credit and the ut most respect! Luv ya cuz
ReplyDeleteThanks D and Molly!!! Friends can always make you feel better about things!!!
ReplyDeleteAw! Leesh. I'm sorry you are having a rough year. But that just says one thing about you...you're a great teacher that cares about your kids. I've had a year like that. Luckily I wasn't pregnant because I was hit on a daily basis or had children so even though my plate was full at school, I didn't have to come home to take care of anyone. I give you lots of credit for doing IT ALL. Hang in there...summer is around the corner so you can refresh yourself. And the BEST part, you get a whole new bunch next year so you can start new!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ange...that made me feel better!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Alicia. I have been thinking about you all week. We don't have much longer until vacation and a new crop of students. Since you haven't blogged since this entry, I miss hearing about Grey and all your activities!!Suzan
ReplyDelete